Italy: The Land Success Forgot

A few minutes ago I stumbled across this article on BBC News:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8217360.stm

Apparently the winner of the Italian lottery hasn't been pinpointed yet, though the village is known. This struck me as slightly idiotic...this person is in line to win what may be the biggest lottery jackpot in European history, or at least since Luca Brindisi won a lifetime supply of indulgences in the big Holy See lotto of 1410.

Speculative medieval history aside, the fact that this person is unknown to the Italians is just one more strike against them as a nation.

Keep in mind that I'm Italian, full breed on my mother's side. I'm in fact a true friend to my Italian brethren, because I'm willing to point out a massive foible on their part, even if it means that we might split: Italy has been unwilling to accept its rightful place in post-Roman history.

Ever since the fall of Rome in 476 A.D. Italy has been grasping at where it once was in history. Unfortunately, its glory days are long since gone, and it would be best for all of us if they just took off the caligae, pulled on their Gucci boots, hopped in their Ferrari and just be content with their new found mediocrity.

There have been some sudden spurts of Italy attempting to regain its former glory. The two main examples I have are: the Renaissance and Fascism. And if you ask me, in the court of world opinion one of those should cancel the other out, big time.

Thank Mussolini for taking the Italian dream and driving it right into the nearest volcano. The rule is, once you've had a kill-crazy dictator run your country for a while you get to take a nice, long vacation on the international back-burner. I'm looking at you, Germany. Russia, get back in the corner! Time-out isn't over yet!

Italy has in recent years seemed to try so hard that it's no wonder that "prima donna" is an Italian phrase. They have, though, gone down a different route: they're riding their mediocrity as a contemporary culture all the way to the front page - front page of what, I don't know, but it's in plain view to anyone who picks it up off the sidewalk.

For example, Italy seems to pride itself on exemplifying every negative point associated with parliamentary government. For a few years it seemed like every day it was a race to collapse the government before lunch. Berlusconi was made Prime Minister, then he'd say something horribly sexist or insensitive, or fuck someone who wasn't his wife, and it was arivederci Berlusconi. Then after the next PM bungled things, a week later they clamored for Berlusconi back. Rinse, repeat.

At least Italy is on the right track. They're glory-hogging at being the worst at things, instead of attempting to be good at stuff again. This past winter some of my friends went to Egypt to study Arabic abroad, and they had to pass through Rome on the way to Cairo. There once was a time, back before running water and recreational bathing, when a phrase like that would fill you with pride. Rome just ain't what it used to be.

Well, no thanks to Alitalia, they were lucky to get through alive, and to hell with any sort of "timetable" my friends were on. Failing at a connecting flight? Check.

France has routinely trounced Italy in Rugby Union since 1987 in the Six Nations tournament. Failing at defeating France? Check.

At least when Germany and Russia exhausted their mulligan with the kill-crazy-dictator rule, they could win at stuff sometimes. Mussolini's feathers-in-the-cap were Ethiopia and Albania, then was pushed back by Greece - a country that has learned its place of international mediocrity, especially by the time this happened in World War II.

Italy should be glad that we're not holding Roberto Benigni against them in this regard. We totally could, because that man has caused about as much misery necessary for an honorable mention.